We are sooooooo NOT friends

All throughout my life I have made friends easily. I like to make people smile and have a genuine love for my friends. However over the past month I have "met" two people who are soooooooo not my friends.
Exhibit 1...

Jillian "makes me think I'm dying" Michaels


Yes Jillian and I "met" on my quest to get back in shape. On her commercial she said that she is "here for me", "wants to see me reach my goals", and "will HELP me through my journey."
Well apparently I don't speak "Jillian code" because when I workout to her DVD she yells at me,tries to make my body move in ungodly ways,and makes me think her face is going to be the last thing I see before I die. Jillian you don't even give me water breaks, I need hydration! If I were IN SHAPE I wouldn't need you yelling at me.
So back up JIll and maybe we can work something out.


Exhibit 2.....
Tony "Bring it" Horton



Yes Tony and I met in much the same way as Jillian. He seemed so nice and motivating on his commercials, promising me results in 90 days if I would just work hard and "Bring It" everyday. Well Tony I am trying to bring it everyday, but the problem is each morning after we have um "brought it" I can't feel a part of my body, and by the end of the week I feel like a body cast is what I need instead of achieving a Beach Body. Tony I like that you give me water breaks but you still yell at me, and that is just not my style. I sweat so much when we are together, when I stop my Beagle frantically starts licking me because she thinks I am leaking. Again if I were in good enough shape to "Bring It" I wouldn't need you!
Please have mercy on a girl.

Maybe by some chance Jillian and Tony will read this Blog and rethink their ways, or maybe just maybe if I stick with them yelling at me I can get back into shape? Stay tuned...